Arrogant Bag Containing Litter and Marmite

So, I had a great many thoughts whilst walking home from work today. Not just thoughts - they were tweet-thoughts. Those little things that pop into your head and you think 'I should tweet that'.

People with iPhones (I hate you) are able to tweet there and then.

I, on the other hand, had to remember all 4 things I was planning to tweet in my head. I had to add them onto my brain stack. Unfortunately my stack can only hold 2 things.

I therefore made a picture in my head that became more strange as more tweet-thoughts arrived.

First: I tweeted about arrogant businessmen. They annoy me, but not as much as youths with knives who like to deliver wee stabbings upon nice people.

Second: Saw a cool man-bag and got that old longing for a new one of my own with many compartments and pockets. Joy!

Oh dear. Stack = full.

Third: Litter on bus seat beside you is a great way of increasing the probability of ample leg-room during your journey.

At this point I had to combine one or all of my tweet-thoughts in order to fit them on the stack.

So I come up with the image of a bag, which has glasses and a tie and an air of poshness. Within the bag, there was litter.

Fourth: Marmite. I'll explain that in a bit.

Along with the litter there is now a jar of Marmite inside the arrogant bag.

Stack = half full only. Tweet-thoughts retained: 4! Impressive. Side-effect: Arrogant Bag Containing Litter and Marmite image seems to be stuck in the stack.

Does anyone know how to remove stupid crap from brain-stacks?



By the way, Marmite popped into my head because I was thinking how annoying it is to read those fantasy novels that are all the same. Superficial nonsense with some funky mangic and/or dragons. I think it's important to produce something different. Like Marmite. Some people may hate. Some may love. But at least it won't be boring shite. People will talk about it. Does anyone know any Marmite novels for me?


I'm not checking spelling. My back hurts. I hunch when I type.

Oh there's a thought...how come I don't get a sore back when I program in work? LOL.

That could be a tweet. Stack = full.

So, why do Mannequins have nipples?

I've been pondering this for some time now. Since friday evening actually. It occurred to me, after giving a headless-yet-somehow-sexy mannequin a good stare, that it's quite strange to give them nips.

I'm a man. Not one who buys women's clothes. Well I bought a cool skirt for Sharon once but she didn't like it. Anyway! I'm getting off topic.

I assume the nipples are added for the benefit of women then. I'm not sure I understand it but, after all this thought, I think I like it. Possibly subliminal bollocks. Advertising nonsense.

Speaking of advertising nonsense, I heard a sofa ad on the radio yesterday. The sofas are priced, for example, at £299. But the voice-over git says it as 'two ninety-nine pounds, YES, two ninety-nine pounds!'

RAGE-MONKEYS! To make it sound like the small figure of £2.99! As if we're that naive and easily manipulated. I hate the person who thought that up! I want to strangle them.

(Only a bit. Just so they cough and splutter for a few minutes. Obviously.)

Moving Day!

blogging from iPod touch- excuse puctuation / spelling!

Today I moved from the Donegal Rd in Belfast to a lovely 3-bedroom semi-detached townhouse in Dromore! Despite working like a trooper for about 12 hrs solid today, I couldn't be happier!

Highlight of the day was my dropping a VERY heavy filing cabinate down the stairs. Luckily Sharon, and specifically her skull, was in the way to cut the carnage short!

Passionate about football.

Was playing football last night - was invited by a friend so didn't know anyone but him. Couple of awkward intoductions later and the game was underway. Up to this point I was acting pretty low-key, quiet even. New people etc. Just the way I am.

Well things changed on the court.

I made John McEnroe look meek. For example at one point I was chasing the ball toward the opponents' semi circle but was just slightly too late and the ball crossed the line (where the players cannot). I fell to my knees by the line gesturing with both hands towards the slowly rolling ball literally screaming the words 'DICK!! You DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!'

Can't tell if this is OK or not. I don't take these moments of frustration out on the players or anything so I guess it is OK - I just get into the game.

Awesome fun.

Go, Steve!

Last night I spotted none other that Steve Wiebe in 4 Christmas's. (He has a very small role with no lines.)

Oh sorry, you don't know who that is? Well Steve is the current world No 2 in Donkey Kong.

In the film he is playing a video game in one scene - perhaps a deliberate nod to his record - brilliant.

It's odd to think that out of the thousands upon thousands of people who go to see this film that hardly any of them will recognise Mr Wiebe. I'm glad I did.

By the way, I like Steve Wiebe because he cried over a computer game (and not because of the story - like FFXII or something, but because he was trying to be the best in the world at it) - legend. You should all seek out the film-documentary called 'King of Kong: A Fist Full of Dollars' in which he features heavily.

More Important Questions

The people I work with are an inquisitive bunch. We ponder the deep questions of life on an almost daily basis.

Such questions as how many 5-year-olds could I take in a fight?, would you rather get a small stabbing or a broken jaw (if the stabbing was painful yet non-fatal and along with the broken jaw you get robbed), would you rather eat chocolate-flavoured poo or poo-flavoured chocolate, would you rather fight a bear or a lion etc etc

Sometimes we don't always reach a satisfactory conclusion amongst ourselves and need to ask an expert - see our unanswered email to NASA re. feasibility of effective whip use in zero-g. *sigh*

Last week, we encountered another head-scratcher concerning the irregular dimples on the surface of some Co-op biscuits. We were delighted with a pretty swift reply from some of the Co-op's trained biscuit professionals. Here's the email:

Dear Mr Maxwell,

Thank you for contacting the Co-operative Careline regarding pattern of holes on our Morning coffee Biscuits.

Unfortunately, I cannot give any explanation other than they are manufactured using traditional biscuit process and after sampling others brands on the market found they also have an odd alignment. However, we do not believe it has anything to do with the dunkability of the biscuit.

Regards

Jackie Evans

Whether or not you choose to believe our theory about enhanced dunkability, we are very pleased with the effort that Jackie went to in trying to answer our question - 'sampling other brands on the market' - what a legend!

The New XBox Interface

After 'updating' my xbox software, only to find an entirely new interface, I thought I'd just jump in with an open mind and see what Microsoft had come up with.

Not much really.

Avatars is the long and the short of it. Fun for about 5 minutes. Begs the question 'why?'...

But at least they didn't break anything! Woop?